trust

To be trusted is a greater complement than to be loved-
George Macdonald, he really knew what he was talking about, as i have learnt today, it doesn't really matter how much you love someone, if you don't really trust them. whats even worse is if you don't know why you feel that way, if that person does everything she possibly can for you, and yet, the very minute they say their with another person, you feel all screwed up inside. its funny how the brain controls everything, in your body,but you, have no control over your brain? i quote Graham Greene,'It is impossible to go through life without trust: That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself. 'funny thing is that is precisely how i've gone through life, since i was eleven, till now, without feeling that its the worst cell of all, it didn't even feel like a prison, in fact it felt safe, like a home. because if you dont trust, then you dont really get dissapointed... until you find the love of your life. when you really need to trust someone, and you know that each day that goes by kills them. they didn't betray your trust, they did nothing to deserve this, and that is when you really feel like you're in that cell, locked in with a couple dozen black rapists, fucking your ass over and over as you look for that key, that way out, to find how to trust.The fact is i don't know how long i have left with her, i don't know how long she can put up with this, frankly i wouldn't put up with this, and sorry is an over used word.i'm gonna look for an answer, so i can change...i just hope its not too late, when i finally say i trust you, but you don't trust what i say..